... and I'm not quoting from Disney's Alladin (although now I have a hankerin to watch that movie)...
... coffee (in moderation, of course) has been allowed back into my life, which is AWESOME!
Things that are awesome that happened today:
A. Updated Garage Band to have the computer instruments updated (I can now do loops of my guitar with piano- although I have no idea how to play piano, it's pretty much trial and error on that one)
B. Got some reading done on "How to Believe in God whether you believe in Religion or not"- a good book and I've met the author (he signed my copy) and an interesting argument.. that God is not defined as religion.
C. Played some guitar and did some video editing.
D. The snow is finally gone in Oxford, MS.. leaving behind mud, but I can deal with that.
E. Am making plans to visit people outside of Oxford, MS to maintain my positive outlook on life (watch out Atlanta, Birmingham and Sewanee- I've got my eyes set on you)
F. Dad is behaving better. Maybe old dogs can learn new tricks (this has yet to be seen for conclusive evidence)
G. It's a lazy Sunday
I think that's a pretty good list and I think I could go on. Also, I've come to the conclusion that someone has got to employ me soon because I'm spending too much time thinking- which always has gotten me in trouble. Whomp whomp.
Here I will leave you with link to my vimeo page, a sunset at Camp Bratton Green... a place that I continue to see evolving in a way that can reach young and old.. The music is Patrick Sanders, my old Youth Minister who is now a priest in Southaven (sp?) when he was making music for Kinder Melody, a group of camp musicians. And the filming and editing was done my me. Yipee for too much time on my hands. At least I'm being somewhat productive.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Saturday, January 15, 2011
We are... Drifting away...
From an early age in the church I have been approached and asked, "have you ever considered the priesthood?" As a youth, I pursued finding out what that would actually mean. I had several priests that I considered friends and they gave me real answers as to what a profession in the priesthood looks like. It is by all means not a glorious profession. It means hard work and constant challenges. It means being there for people in the most joyous periods of their lives as well as the most sorrowful. It means trying your hardest to be for your congregation an example of what a life striving to be Christian means. And, as a Christian, that means having doubts and praying and being a guiding force for others channeling the guiding force in Christianity, the Trinity of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
As I approached young adulthood, through the self realization that I identified as a lesbian, I gave up on pursuing the discernment of whether the priesthood would be for me. This was around the time when Gene Robinson was consecrated Bishop of New Hampshire. Bishop Robinson is an openly gay man. This caused the period of serious questioning in the church and all churches about the 'place' of homosexuals in the church. I saw the angry nature of people in the church come out in ways that scared me. I read about accounts where more and more people were willing to become violent in their expression that homosexuals do not belong in the church. I wanted no part of representing something that people were so hurt and conflicted with. The way Christians were acting was not at all Christ-like and that caused disillusion for me with the church. I think that also caused disillusionment for those my same age.
So, many of us in our young adulthood decided that we could live without the church. I have definitely come to this conclusion time and time again when I felt that the church had no place for me. We decided living a life righteously did not necessarily entail attending Sunday services. Because of this disillusionment, I believe that the church should fight to prove that we as young adults need the church. This is not to say that the church necessarily needs to have facebook pages and start bending itself to become as appealing as new albums by artists that we adore as young adults. I sincerely believe that if the church just attempted to be what it is called to be, then we would find ourselves coming back.
The problem for me and many my age is that the church isn't living up to what it seemed to be when we were younger. We were allowed to be who we were and the church (for the most part) accepted that. But then we became old enough to see the politics of churches, the selfishness, the cutthroat attitudes and bitter self-righteousness, we decided it wasn't safe or beneficial anymore.
The irony of my situation and of a minority of young adults my age is that we have a genuine passion for the church but the church does not believe in us. I believe that one day I will be ordained as a priest. Others believe in the church, just not the church right now. And with me, the question is whether the church believes in me, the me of the moment, the me that is 25 and struggling to find myself and be good to those around me. At the moment, I am tempted to say that the church does not believe in me. So, be careful church, you might just lose me. And others my age.
As I approached young adulthood, through the self realization that I identified as a lesbian, I gave up on pursuing the discernment of whether the priesthood would be for me. This was around the time when Gene Robinson was consecrated Bishop of New Hampshire. Bishop Robinson is an openly gay man. This caused the period of serious questioning in the church and all churches about the 'place' of homosexuals in the church. I saw the angry nature of people in the church come out in ways that scared me. I read about accounts where more and more people were willing to become violent in their expression that homosexuals do not belong in the church. I wanted no part of representing something that people were so hurt and conflicted with. The way Christians were acting was not at all Christ-like and that caused disillusion for me with the church. I think that also caused disillusionment for those my same age.
So, many of us in our young adulthood decided that we could live without the church. I have definitely come to this conclusion time and time again when I felt that the church had no place for me. We decided living a life righteously did not necessarily entail attending Sunday services. Because of this disillusionment, I believe that the church should fight to prove that we as young adults need the church. This is not to say that the church necessarily needs to have facebook pages and start bending itself to become as appealing as new albums by artists that we adore as young adults. I sincerely believe that if the church just attempted to be what it is called to be, then we would find ourselves coming back.
The problem for me and many my age is that the church isn't living up to what it seemed to be when we were younger. We were allowed to be who we were and the church (for the most part) accepted that. But then we became old enough to see the politics of churches, the selfishness, the cutthroat attitudes and bitter self-righteousness, we decided it wasn't safe or beneficial anymore.
The irony of my situation and of a minority of young adults my age is that we have a genuine passion for the church but the church does not believe in us. I believe that one day I will be ordained as a priest. Others believe in the church, just not the church right now. And with me, the question is whether the church believes in me, the me of the moment, the me that is 25 and struggling to find myself and be good to those around me. At the moment, I am tempted to say that the church does not believe in me. So, be careful church, you might just lose me. And others my age.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Grief
We all deal with grief in our lives, some sooner than others. As a young adult, I've come to see many ways that people deal with grief. Some drown their sorrows in alcohol. Some become more reclusive and some just want to distract themselves by being with their friends. The weird thing about grief is that there's no period of life when it "hits" you. But, young adults begin to see the older people in their lives who have been people they look up to age and pass away. Grandparents and parents and teachers and priests and sometimes friends all start to show aging in a way that is hard to deal with.
At age 24, I lost my last Grandparent. My Grandmother was not the kindest of women. She wasn't the grandparent who would bake cookies and pinch your cheeks. She was more of the southern grandmother who would use the phrase, "I'm gonna snatch you baldheaded." Needless to say, she wasn't a big part of my life mainly for the purposes of keeping my hair on my head. When she passed away, I expected that I would be fine with it. I had an assistantship to help me pay for grad school at the time and I found myself at the desk in my office trying to keep from crying. I then, naturally, over-analyzed things and told myself that it was because I was mourning the last grandparent standing. Eventually though, I just came to the realization of many things at once. One, that as mean spirited as my Grandmother was, she loved me. Two, that I only once sat down with her and asked about her life and how she met my Grandfather and what her family life was like. Also, I realized that even though I never was too fond of her, I was very grateful for her giving birth to one of the most giving and kind individuals I've ever known. My Mom.
Also, I began to see aging taking its ultimate toll on a life. And because we're not all guaranteed a long life, death and what death means became a reality for me, a God thump if you will. I've always heard people say things like, "you never know when you're gonna go, so live life while you got it." For me, and many others, living life means counting milestones. I've considered a major milestone turning 25.
When I turned 25, I felt it. I began to see myself as an adult and was officially considered one, according to most of society. I could officially rent a car on my own. I had things to deal with such as finding a job post my Masters degree. I began to start using excell to chart my expenses, something I never did in undergrad. I also started to really get the itch to at least take romantic pursuits a bit more seriously. The process of not looking at someone to be some fun, but actually evaluate if a life long commitment is possible is something that can at first be shocking. Over all of this, I felt duped by my friends who are older than I am as if they were hiding this secret change-over from me. I kept finding myself saying, "why didn't y'all tell me about this?"
So, friends, why in the hell did you not tell me 25 was going to be like this? hmm. Explain yourselves.
At age 24, I lost my last Grandparent. My Grandmother was not the kindest of women. She wasn't the grandparent who would bake cookies and pinch your cheeks. She was more of the southern grandmother who would use the phrase, "I'm gonna snatch you baldheaded." Needless to say, she wasn't a big part of my life mainly for the purposes of keeping my hair on my head. When she passed away, I expected that I would be fine with it. I had an assistantship to help me pay for grad school at the time and I found myself at the desk in my office trying to keep from crying. I then, naturally, over-analyzed things and told myself that it was because I was mourning the last grandparent standing. Eventually though, I just came to the realization of many things at once. One, that as mean spirited as my Grandmother was, she loved me. Two, that I only once sat down with her and asked about her life and how she met my Grandfather and what her family life was like. Also, I realized that even though I never was too fond of her, I was very grateful for her giving birth to one of the most giving and kind individuals I've ever known. My Mom.
Also, I began to see aging taking its ultimate toll on a life. And because we're not all guaranteed a long life, death and what death means became a reality for me, a God thump if you will. I've always heard people say things like, "you never know when you're gonna go, so live life while you got it." For me, and many others, living life means counting milestones. I've considered a major milestone turning 25.
When I turned 25, I felt it. I began to see myself as an adult and was officially considered one, according to most of society. I could officially rent a car on my own. I had things to deal with such as finding a job post my Masters degree. I began to start using excell to chart my expenses, something I never did in undergrad. I also started to really get the itch to at least take romantic pursuits a bit more seriously. The process of not looking at someone to be some fun, but actually evaluate if a life long commitment is possible is something that can at first be shocking. Over all of this, I felt duped by my friends who are older than I am as if they were hiding this secret change-over from me. I kept finding myself saying, "why didn't y'all tell me about this?"
So, friends, why in the hell did you not tell me 25 was going to be like this? hmm. Explain yourselves.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Why So Serious?
So, looking back on my previous posts, I realize that I'm being wayyyy too serious on this blog lately. It's understandable since I'm in limbo about a lot of things like jobs and grad school (phD programs) and several e-mails that I think might land me back on my feet. Still waiting on a lot of stuff... but have decided it'd be much more fun to listen to a little bit of Ke$ha and Beyonce while writing this post.
It's still a little hard, even with "Single Ladies" playing in the background to break a smile. Such a shame. Maybe if I find that youtube video of Justin Timberlake doing the "Single Ladies"... hold on..
... Saturday Night Live definitely needs a YouTube channel... It might be on Hulu.. ooops, got distracted on Sound Cloud...
I Got a Woman - Ray Charles (Matty Blades Re-rub) by MattyBlades
So, definitely got distracted by Ray Charles... and who wouldn't? Let's be honest.
I'm soooo tired of this large amount of free time.
It's still a little hard, even with "Single Ladies" playing in the background to break a smile. Such a shame. Maybe if I find that youtube video of Justin Timberlake doing the "Single Ladies"... hold on..
... Saturday Night Live definitely needs a YouTube channel... It might be on Hulu.. ooops, got distracted on Sound Cloud...
I Got a Woman - Ray Charles (Matty Blades Re-rub) by MattyBlades
So, definitely got distracted by Ray Charles... and who wouldn't? Let's be honest.
I'm soooo tired of this large amount of free time.
Too Old for this...
Now, I'm 25.... but there are some things I'm already too old for. Coming to this realization is both sad and relieving at the same time:
I'm too old for:
State Standardized Testing
Jr. High Dancing
Diapers (but then, I have been too old for that for a while... and I hear you get old enough for them again later on in life, but I'm too young for that)
Freaking out about learning to drive
25 is just old enough for:
renting a car
applying for a phD
to lose your first "job" and then realize you'd much rather be doing something else (like getting a phD)
Get what I'm saying?
I'm too old for:
State Standardized Testing
Jr. High Dancing
Diapers (but then, I have been too old for that for a while... and I hear you get old enough for them again later on in life, but I'm too young for that)
Freaking out about learning to drive
25 is just old enough for:
renting a car
applying for a phD
to lose your first "job" and then realize you'd much rather be doing something else (like getting a phD)
Get what I'm saying?
Friday, January 7, 2011
Honesty: The Best Policy?
So, my parents have always instilled in me that honesty is the best policy. Lately, every time I'm honest, I've been pushed aside and even fired. Silly, huh?
So, basically, my thoughts are that even though I'm transparent and honest, it's not always the best policy.
Seems kinda counter-intuitive? Especially considering that honesty is a virtue. If we're basing virtue on that, I'm super-virtuous.
Honest with my friends: not so good to be blunt even though my name is Blount
Honesty with my parents: don't even get me started (sorry Dad, I know you're reading this, and I guess Mom too)
Honesty with Doctors: I get hassled
Honesty with Employers: I got fired (thanks, Episcopal Service Corps)
So this all sounds cynical. And some days I am cynical. Mainly because we live in a society based around secrets and not honesty. We're based around success which ultimately is obtained by not being honest in most cases. Virtue is not an honor anymore. We seem to live to deceive and that's clearly not my style. So, what do I do? What can I do when I'm just trying to do the best thing possible and keep getting pushed out of the way?
On a good note: today is DOY council planning. Such a great group of High School Students trying their hardest to be leaders in a church that is continuously changing and a camp that is trying to change with it.
So, basically, my thoughts are that even though I'm transparent and honest, it's not always the best policy.
Seems kinda counter-intuitive? Especially considering that honesty is a virtue. If we're basing virtue on that, I'm super-virtuous.
Honest with my friends: not so good to be blunt even though my name is Blount
Honesty with my parents: don't even get me started (sorry Dad, I know you're reading this, and I guess Mom too)
Honesty with Doctors: I get hassled
Honesty with Employers: I got fired (thanks, Episcopal Service Corps)
So this all sounds cynical. And some days I am cynical. Mainly because we live in a society based around secrets and not honesty. We're based around success which ultimately is obtained by not being honest in most cases. Virtue is not an honor anymore. We seem to live to deceive and that's clearly not my style. So, what do I do? What can I do when I'm just trying to do the best thing possible and keep getting pushed out of the way?
On a good note: today is DOY council planning. Such a great group of High School Students trying their hardest to be leaders in a church that is continuously changing and a camp that is trying to change with it.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
The Saints!!!
I ask prayers for a healthy Saints team- stop having injuries and beat the buccaneers. Amen.
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