Grief

We all deal with grief in our lives, some sooner than others. As a young adult, I've come to see many ways that people deal with grief. Some drown their sorrows in alcohol. Some become more reclusive and some just want to distract themselves by being with their friends. The weird thing about grief is that there's no period of life when it "hits" you. But, young adults begin to see the older people in their lives who have been people they look up to age and pass away. Grandparents and parents and teachers and priests and sometimes friends all start to show aging in a way that is hard to deal with.

At age 24, I lost my last Grandparent. My Grandmother was not the kindest of women. She wasn't the grandparent who would bake cookies and pinch your cheeks. She was more of the southern grandmother who would use the phrase, "I'm gonna snatch you baldheaded." Needless to say, she wasn't a big part of my life mainly for the purposes of keeping my hair on my head. When she passed away, I expected that I would be fine with it. I had an assistantship to help me pay for grad school at the time and I found myself at the desk in my office trying to keep from crying. I then, naturally, over-analyzed things and told myself that it was because I was mourning the last grandparent standing. Eventually though, I just came to the realization of many things at once. One, that as mean spirited as my Grandmother was, she loved me. Two, that I only once sat down with her and asked about her life and how she met my Grandfather and what her family life was like. Also, I realized that even though I never was too fond of her, I was very grateful for her giving birth to one of the most giving and kind individuals I've ever known. My Mom.

 Also, I began to see aging taking its ultimate toll on a life. And because we're not all guaranteed a long life, death and what death means became a reality for me, a God thump if you will. I've always heard people say things like, "you never know when you're gonna go, so live life while you got it." For me, and many others, living life means counting milestones. I've considered a major milestone turning 25.

 When I turned 25, I felt it. I began to see myself as an adult and was officially considered one, according to most of society. I could officially rent a car on my own. I had things to deal with such as finding a job post my Masters degree. I began to start using excell to chart my expenses, something I never did in undergrad. I also started to really get the itch to at least take romantic pursuits a bit more seriously. The process of not looking at someone to be some fun, but actually evaluate if a life long commitment is possible is something that can at first be shocking. Over all of this, I felt duped by my friends who are older than I am as if they were hiding this secret change-over from me. I kept finding myself saying, "why didn't y'all tell me about this?"

So, friends, why in the hell did you not tell me 25 was going to be like this? hmm. Explain yourselves.