From an early age in the church I have been approached and asked, "have you ever considered the priesthood?" As a youth, I pursued finding out what that would actually mean. I had several priests that I considered friends and they gave me real answers as to what a profession in the priesthood looks like. It is by all means not a glorious profession. It means hard work and constant challenges. It means being there for people in the most joyous periods of their lives as well as the most sorrowful. It means trying your hardest to be for your congregation an example of what a life striving to be Christian means. And, as a Christian, that means having doubts and praying and being a guiding force for others channeling the guiding force in Christianity, the Trinity of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
As I approached young adulthood, through the self realization that I identified as a lesbian, I gave up on pursuing the discernment of whether the priesthood would be for me. This was around the time when Gene Robinson was consecrated Bishop of New Hampshire. Bishop Robinson is an openly gay man. This caused the period of serious questioning in the church and all churches about the 'place' of homosexuals in the church. I saw the angry nature of people in the church come out in ways that scared me. I read about accounts where more and more people were willing to become violent in their expression that homosexuals do not belong in the church. I wanted no part of representing something that people were so hurt and conflicted with. The way Christians were acting was not at all Christ-like and that caused disillusion for me with the church. I think that also caused disillusionment for those my same age.
So, many of us in our young adulthood decided that we could live without the church. I have definitely come to this conclusion time and time again when I felt that the church had no place for me. We decided living a life righteously did not necessarily entail attending Sunday services. Because of this disillusionment, I believe that the church should fight to prove that we as young adults need the church. This is not to say that the church necessarily needs to have facebook pages and start bending itself to become as appealing as new albums by artists that we adore as young adults. I sincerely believe that if the church just attempted to be what it is called to be, then we would find ourselves coming back.
The problem for me and many my age is that the church isn't living up to what it seemed to be when we were younger. We were allowed to be who we were and the church (for the most part) accepted that. But then we became old enough to see the politics of churches, the selfishness, the cutthroat attitudes and bitter self-righteousness, we decided it wasn't safe or beneficial anymore.
The irony of my situation and of a minority of young adults my age is that we have a genuine passion for the church but the church does not believe in us. I believe that one day I will be ordained as a priest. Others believe in the church, just not the church right now. And with me, the question is whether the church believes in me, the me of the moment, the me that is 25 and struggling to find myself and be good to those around me. At the moment, I am tempted to say that the church does not believe in me. So, be careful church, you might just lose me. And others my age.
Super reflection, Blount. Could I use this as one of the articles for February? Keep up the writing and reflecting! Good stuff.
ReplyDeleteSharon
I think there are a lot of Episcopal churches that are welcoming of ALL people (at least in the dioceses of NC and Western NC), and even more are at least asking the question and open to challenging their understanding and beliefs. However, by "the church" you mean "the Church", as in Christianity, I hear what you are saying.
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